LifePathWork

Change: A RePost

2010-09-29T13:28:00.001-04:00

Change when you’ve outgrown something. Change when there’s no hope. Change because you choose to. Change because it’s fun. Change because you want to gain awareness of who you truly are. Change because you have to. Change because everything changes, for better or for worse. Why change? Why not? You’ve been doing it all your life. ~ Robin Silverman

It's almost 2010, and change is upon on us... again... still.

I'm actively planning new beginnings for myself and my loved ones. Azad will begin a new sport. Virika will begin dance classes, and join her brother's school for her first preschool experience. Charles begins a new project. I will teach again at Spelman College. We are investigating new schools for the kids, and perhaps even a new home, neighborhood, community at some point in 2010.

In the meantime, to anticipate the changes, we are celebrating and honoring all that we love about our lives right now. We will take a week-long family vacation at the beach before Christmas. We're reflecting on the life lessons and blessings we received this year: Patience, courage, perseverance, creativity, healing...

We are decluttering our spaces, minds and spirits. After all, I try to remember that moving forward is fundamentally about going home to ourselves.

This is why, I wanted to invite you to "put on your ruby slippers" this holiday season... as you step forward into 2010! (See below for details). Won't you be a good sport and have some fun bringing the magic of the ruby slippers to life with me?

Boundless blessings and a magical holiday season to you and yours.

Gayatri

Move Forward … Make Change …Go Home to Yourself with Glinda
I keep a photo in my living room from the Wizard of Oz and every time I need some inspiration for moving forward in life I stare at it for a while. It is basically looks like a shot taken by one of the Munchkins. It is composed simply of Dorothy's feet, with her red shoes and light blue sox, against the backdrop of Glinda's pink gown, with Glinda’s wand near the shoes. The only thing that you can think of when you see this is "There is no place like home." And that all the power to change and grow is inside us ... if only we remember.
Many fairytales and stories tell of a sorceress who helps a heroine to wholeness and grace. Glinda, in The Wizard of Oz, is one of the world’s favorites; she was the guiding light who sent Dorothy on her legendary search for the Wizard, only to help her find the power of the wizard was within her all along. In the tradition of trusting that when the student is ready, the teacher appears, Glinda offers profound insight just at the moment Dorothy is ready for it. Glinda can also help you return to yourself when you feel lost, down or disconnected. If you ever find yourself feeling really lost, remember her simple wisdom. Tap your heels three times and say, There’s no place like home… there’s no place like home… there’s no place like home. And remember home is within you. Have fun bringing her into your life.
1. Watch the Wizard of Oz.Observe Dorothy’s full experience with Glinda, her magical mentor. They share just moments on the screen, yet Glinda is the gentle change agent who sets Dorothy on her path and helps liberate her from her troubles by showing her the power of transformation lives within her, and that home is where her heart is.
2. Get red shoes. You don’t need ruby slippers, but beautiful, snazzy red shoes are symbolic of your innate ability to always find your way home to yourself. Be they pumps or sneakers, make them your magical trademark. A great pair of shoes always lifts the spirits; just looking down at your feet will make you happy. The color red symbolizes courage, good luck, and power and shows that you're ready for anything!3. Get a wand and blow bubbles. Just like a kid, get some soapy bubbles in a bottle. And buy a Fairy Godmother Wand from a costume store or kids department. Remember, Glinda used to arrive in a bubble to create her magic; imagine you can create magic too. Sit on your patio (courtyard, front lawn, in a park or just by an open window) and blow bubbles. As you watch them floating in the air, imagine they are carrying Glinda, who is there to grant your wishes. Let the excitement of her arrival well within you. Get in touch with what it feels like to be in the presence of a magical mentor who is there to help you. Let your heart open as you continue to blow bubbles, and call out your wishes. When you feel you have had your full, dedicate the last batch to Glinda and thank her for touching your life and helping you believe.
4. Buy a snazzy red shoe magnet for your refrigerator and post this affirmation: "On this day … I move forward!"
© Copyright 2004 Rev. Laurie Sue Brockway. All Rights Reserved.

Practice BEing

2009-10-09T09:33:00.001-04:00

Joyful Friday and fantastic weekend to you!

Before I go silent for a few days, I wanted to share some food for thought.
I am setting an intention for my retreat this weekend: Practice BEing. Won't you join me?

"Being is about existing in a non-doing state, listening for guidance from our authentic self, scanning our body's subtle tightenings and expansions for information, and breathing with -- sitting alongside --who we are in that moment without moving to criticize or improve... Being is about accepting whatever there is. In the end, being is almost impossible to describe. It is not a destination; it is never a goal to check off. The edges of being are outlined with self-trust, feeling soft, open, accepting... Being comes in snatches, wavering states of at-one-ment interspersed with white-knuckled fear or control or worry or mindlessness. With practice, being does become easier. There is no perfect state to attain, no one to compare yourself to, no master degree in being that is awarded.... you just do it." -- Jen Louden (Woman's Retreat Book)

How can you play with BEING this weekend? Let me know!

Fall Newsletter

2009-10-08T14:40:00.004-04:00

This entry is a copy of the fall newsletter I sent out a couple of days ago to my coaching circle.

Coaching Circle:

Fall is here, and I am actively re-inventing myself and by extension, of course, my practice.I am discovering that I have begun to job-ize my interests, passions and values in creating a unique and truly blessed work life.

In a nutshell, my approach to coaching and life in general is encapsulated in this quote from Suzanne Zoglio: "People with an uncommon zest for life have mastered the art of living from the inside out. Instead of setting their goals and judging their success by what others think, they live according to their own values, their own passions, and their own... inner voice. In other words, they live an authentic life."

I strive to live an authentic life from the inside-out - even if it mean ruffling feathers. My work is such a key means to this process. I have to keep stretching so that I can meet you where you need me to be! Phew!

This month, I am reflecting and acting on one of my favorite intentions: self-care. I realize now that my coaching model rests squarely on establishing effective self-care practices. This means that I need to step up my game. Big time. Walk the talk.This is why I am taking a personal retreat for the first time in I can't say how long. In life before children, I often headed to the nearest Ocean location to get in touch with myself, to rest and regroup with more intention and focus.

So, bear with me and understand that I will be unavailable from October 10th until 13th. I will be reconnecting with myself in Cape May for three whole days with no care in the world but myself. Whatever shall I do? Nothing. I will just be. I assure you that I will return, fired up and ready to go!

I can honestly say that I am long overdue for such a retreat. I am attaching below an excerpt from one of my favorite people, Jen Louden, on what a retreat is and why we should take one. [Nudge. Prod. Hint. Hint.]

I am absolutely delighted to share that in the last couple of weeks, several new people have committed to the coaching adventure with me. Here I was, having taken the website down, sort of considering applying for a regular old job all the while clear that was not an authentic choice supporting my core values. And, bam! A flurry of interest, inquiries and enthusiastic folks ready to figure out their next steps, with me along for the ride. Woo hoo!

I am humbled, and gosh, so grateful for these opportunities. I am super thankful to those of you who have shared your wins with others and ignited in them a spark of interest. The web site is still down. So, word of your mouths is my sole marketing tool for now. Thank you thank you thank for doing such a stupendous job. And, please keep doing more of it. Turns out, coaching amazing people like you is still in the cards as part of my authentic life work.

Fall Special Offerings
Name your price this fall: All new coaching community members will receive super duper flexible and low rates. Name your price, and if I can make it work, I sure will!

Good Karma Credits: To thank you for your generous marketing, if you recommend someone who commits to coaching with me, you will receive a $25 good karma credit towards one month of coaching services.

One-time fix-it: If you have a dilemma, worry or decision for which you need support and longer term coaching is not what you need, I am offering one-time fix-it services. It's an experiment, and so far, people are digging it.

Coaching Circle Call: Keep an eye out for an invitation. This call is for you if you ever wanted to meet some other members of the coaching circle, hear what they're playing with or simply find support with one another. The topic: Playing with Self-Care (of course).

Giving Circle: In September, I offered free Academic-Life-Support and as a result, I began pro bono support for a group of former students who are in graduate school. No charge. I envision doing more and more of this, and to sustain this aspect of my practice, I hope to attract more paying folks.

Self-Care through retreats
What do you actually do at a retreat?I received a wonderful email a few days ago, asking what we would actually do at my upcoming Seattle mini-retreat. As we talked a little via email, it became clear she wanted to be sure the retreat would address her feelings of burn out and her need to reconnect with herself and feelings of self-love. When she asked me, "Does that sound like a good fit?" I shouted across the Internet, YES!I know the way to fulfillment and purpose and feeling really GOOD is through being wholly and fully who you truly are. I also know that you cannot be who you truly are if you aren't listening to yourself. Or if you are exhausted, harried, bitten by self-doubt or just in need of a little focus.I know that most everything in life - even a more contemplative life like mine - pulls you away from trusting and being yourself. It's simply incredibly easy to move farther and farther away from yourself - and to spend years being itchy, dissatisfied, on edge and not know why. Jennifer is a best-selling author, personal coach, former monthly columnist for Martha Stewart's Body+Soul magazine, a frequent guest on radio and TV, and creator of learning events and retreats around the country. She's devoted to nurturing women to evoke their creative power so they can have a blast while changing the world. She's been on Oprah, been interviewed in most major magazines, and her newest book is The Life Organizer: A Woman's Guide to A Mindful Year. Her blog, websites, and ezine (all free) draw thousands of readers each month and there are over 800,000 copies of her six books in print. www.jenniferlouden.com and www.comfortqueen.com

I am deeply honored and enriched each day by being a part of your life journey.
Your Coach, Gayatri

Fear and Faith go hand in hand

2009-09-16T14:32:00.004-04:00

As most of you know, I am super psyched to be the blessed winner of Jen Loouden's Life Organizer. It has already brought me insights, peace and direction.

Yesterday, I found myself on the edge of anxiety, worry and even palpable fear. I paged through the Organizer in search of something to grasp on to. These words jumped off the page at me:

"Sew yourself a string of prayer flags to flap invitations to patience, clarity and authentic trust into the heavens."

Wow. So beautiful and elegant is this directive. It sits on a page that asks a provocative question: "What you worried about? What are you afraid of?"

I am going to speak my fears out loud here. I am worried with a sick to the stomach feeling that something awful will happen to my precious child. I have just seen myself and my son through his surgeries. He is doing well. It was a rough few weeks, but following him around with a cup of gatorade and plenty of cuddles worked out just fine. So what on earth am I afraid of now?

The dialog bordering on argument in my head goes something like this: Breathe. Relax. It's a routine set of procedures. Everything is going to be fine. Oh, my poor baby. What if there is some random complication? You've been down this road before. It will be just fine. She has sleep apnea and all these allergies. What if she stops breathing. Relax. It's a routine surgery. She is going to be sleeping better than ever in a week. But, really, what if something happens to my child? I can't contain myself! Ok, stop it. Worry and fear are signs of a lack of trust. Pray. Calm yourself down. Trust God. I know I know. But, what if....?

The truth is that I am really afraid. I am afraid because I love this child more than I can express in any way - words or otherwise. Her vulnerability and the remotely marginal possibility that some harm could come to her frightens me beyond comprehension. I know that my love is what makes me afraid. And yet there is no rationality to justify this fear.

Fear and faith go hand in hand.

My fear is an opportunity for me to practice faith. The trusting part of me know that this is a time for prayer... trust... faith.

So, to sewing flags of prayer we go...

I am choosing to relish every moment of this process. I have converted her room into a salon. She is getting hair washed and braided. We are painting her nails her favorite colors - pink and purple of course. We are picking out a pretty dress to wear to surgery tomorrow. I have purchased her a book about ballerinas as her gift to enjoy tonight. We are singing, dancing and saying prayers. Lots of hugs and cuddles are being showered everywhere.

This is the only way I know to cope with my fear and channel it faithfully. Deep breaths.

"Sew yourself a string of prayer flags to flap invitations to patience, clarity and authentic trust into the heavens." I'm sewing!!

2009-09-10T11:41:00.002-04:00

A few minutes ago, I posted this status update on Facebook:
Gayatri Sethi wants you to know that it is a crime of the highest order to beat down, discourage, belittle, withhold praise or even in the slightest bit cause self-doubt in a young, hopeful, confident and capable spirit full of promise. If you have even the smalle...st desire to snuff out the light that shines in others, know that I will personally come and take you OUT!

What on earth prompted that outburst? Really? I threaten to take somebody OUT for taking others out? I know approach never did and never will solve anything. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. I know. I know.

Let me tell you, though that this is passionate anger at its best. How so? I realize that a key part of my life's work has to do with offering support and encouragement to others so that their inner light can shine even brighter in the world. That is what I am here to do.

Today's outrage came from a conversation I had with a new client in which she shared the pain of experiencing belittlement, lack of confidence and inordinate degree of self-doubt at her former job. I must add that she worked for an international social change organization that claims to CARE for the world. You catch my drift? I was overcome with anger at the hypocrisy of caring so little for the young shining stars at your organization and claiming to save the world. Rant over.

Well, not quite. The truth is that I have experienced (over and over) this kind of discouragement in workplace settings and especially in graduate school. I continue to deal with and attempt to heal from the deep wounds that were inflicted. At some point through the pain and struggle of it all, I realized that I was being prepared by these awful experiences to develop the kind of empathy, compassion and understanding required to do my life's work.

True. For many of us, our life's purpose lies in transforming our own pain into a positive force in the world. I know. Airy fairy grandiose speak.

Seriously though, what I'm saying is something you already know. Find what angers and pains you, and know that this same darkness could pontentially light up the world.

And, I mean it. If you have the slightest inclination to dim the light of others, I will not take you OUT. But, I will take you ON!

Getting Free and Feeling like a Winner!

2009-09-09T12:12:00.007-04:00

Here I am again after a long silence. Still stewing, folks.

Today's entry is actually a heartfelt note of gratitude I sent to Jen Louden, The Comfort Queen.

And since today, one of her suggestions for getting FREE is to send an email or two without spell-checking, I sent this note to her typos and all. And I am posting it on the blog unedited. (holding my breath) and affirming that I am perfect in my imperfections! (smile)

Here goes:

Jen,

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

I can't tell you how delighted, thrilled, grateful and just plain psyched I am to WIN a truly special life-giving gift from you! The Life Organizer has been sitting in my cart on Amazon for months... maybe years. Wow! I am just to thankful. It's not just a book. It represents a whole lot more to me!

Last week, I had NO cash in any of my accounts. None. Checks outstanding, two kids to feed, bills to pay. Nada. I chose not to be afraid or lose it. But, I was anxious all weekend. I kept affirming that the Universe provides. It is bountiful. I have ALL that I need. I kept in that space. Boom. Monday: freedom from self-improvement. Wow. Just what I needed to organize my thoughts and intentions for this month. I am SO on board. That day, I go to brunch with my beloved, and decide to charge it. Guess what? I win 200 points and win a free lunch worth 25 bucks. Ok. I am grateful. I then walk down the street, sit at a cafe and for the first time in years, count out the change in my wallet to decide if I can afford to buy an iced tea. I notice that this is new and different, and how to so many, I lead a very privileged existence. I am privileged in that moment to appreciate what it feels like to count pennies. I accept that gift.

I open my book and begin to read from Life is a Verb (loving that book): I read the message of how to be better, kinder, generous strangers. I accept that lesson. I walk outside to make a call. I follow my instinct which tells me to walk away from the stores to a quiet path. I am approached by a young man, "can I ask you a really embarassing question? Could you spare me some change?" Wow, I think. This is profound. I am paying attention. I know that truly my heartfelt desire is to give more freely, not just of resources but of myself. So I empty out my change in his palm, but I pause to speak with him. He is taken off-guard. He shares some of his story with me. I listen. I ask him questions. Ten minutes later, he thanks me for taking time to speak with him, and I thank him for the same.

Days like that are quite a gift from the Universe, eh?

Well, today was even better. I joined you in declaring freedom from self-improvement. Instead of spending the day doing online searches to help me figure out my life and the next thing I need to be doing for my kids, I just let go. I chose to be present and just honor my inner desires. I danced with my two year old daughter. I played with her. I ate with her (this is rare - long story here). I walked in the sunshine with her. I showed her how it's breezy in the shade, and we appreciated the shade and the breeze. We enjoyed each other. We reached out to some friends with the swine flu, and went to visit them with chicken soup. Who cares if they might be contagious? I felt the need to connect with them face to face and not just on instant messages. I received bounties today. I started a dreamboard that I have been planning to do for a while. Do you know what was on there? A retreat with you. I claimed it. One day... soon... I will go on retreat and actually be in the presence of Jen Louden. This is a must-have life experience for me. Right alongside a personal intellectual artist retreat in Paris sans enfants, para-sailing, doing yoga on the beach somewhere, learning yet another language, oh... wait a minute. I pause here because I don't want to get caught up in the trap of self-improvement. But I note my desires and I put them out there into the Universe, trusting in the Law of Attraction.

I had no intention of seeking clients. One came to me. Thankful. I love when kids spontaneously say "I love you." I got a couple of those today. One from the playroom while I was in the kitchen. I sure relished that.

And at the end of the day after karate and gym classes as I am hurrying to get them in the bad for qiuck bedtime, I check my messages. I won a book from Jen Louden! Wow. I attracted - visioned - dream boarded my way into a win today. But, mostly I know that the Universe is sending me some significant messages right now. I am paying attention.

Thank you for being such a precious part of my life's journey.

heartfelt thanks and hugs!
Gayatri

Reinventing myself... again

2009-08-03T21:12:00.004-04:00

I have been mute. No urge to blog. Not much to verbalize either.

This happens to me when I am stewing. What am I stewing about?

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver

This is the question that keeps me up at night. It follows me around. I can not hide from it. It keeps me mute. It makes me mad. Why? I am raw with the knowledge that this life is precious, fleeting, impermanent. Each day is given to us but not a given. So each day that goes by that I am not living purposefully and fully, is a day wasted.

I want to count. I want my actions to matter. I want my days to have meaning and consequence. I fear that time will pass me by, and I will have very little to show for my share of this precious time here on earth.

I want to matter.

How will I do this? Stay tuned... I am reinventing myself.

It is exciting to some. It is frightening, daunting, and nerve-wracking too.

Parenting ... oh so much pathwork

2009-05-01T16:37:00.003-04:00

This is not an epiphany. Just saying...

My PathWork is so much about my life as a parent. And parenting offers me rich opportunities to rework my goals, aspirations, and life path.

So often parenting work, and yes, it is a lot of work, makes me question myself. So few tangible rewards. So much required. So many instances when patience was not where it should be. Raised the voice when I should have asked a question. Wondering if I handled the melt-down with compassion? So many times when I could go down the path of beating myself up.

It was one of those weeks. The kids were sick. They stayed home with me. We tested each other. I found myself feeling like a failure as a mother. It lasted a whole day. The feeling comes and goes but rarely does it last a whole day.

But today, there was a gift. A parenting gem:

Azad and Virika are sitting in my lap. We are relaxing on the back porch enjoying the gentle breeze. Virika pounds my chest repeatedly.
Mama: "Virika, be gentle."
Virika continues.
Mama: "Virika, gentle gentle."
Azad: "Do you want mama to die?"
Virika stops. (puzzled): "Die? What die mean?"
Mama is stunned into silence.
Azad: "It's when you leave earth and fly into space forever. And go to a building called the Abha Kingdom."
Virika, "Die? Fly away?"
Mama is still silent. Listening.
Azad, "Do you want mama to go away and never come back?"
Virika, "No."
Azad, "Then don't hit her chest. She may stop breathing and fly away."
Mama sigh. Holds and embraces them both. Kisses on each cheek for Azad.

This is not an epiphany. My PathWork is ALL about growing as a parent. Oh, so much work to do... but oh so many (invisible and intangible) rewards.

How to start living when you feel like you're barely existing?

2009-05-01T13:55:00.006-04:00

This is the question of the day. Week. Month. Where did April go? I am glad May is here. Another opportunity to start over perhaps?

When I think back to the past month (and the lack of bloggin' therein), I realize I did more existing and less living. What do I mean by that? I found myself going from day to day with little inspiration, energy or passion. I took care of my responsibilities but I am not sure how much I relished them. I did laundry, prepared meals, nursed sick wee ones, did more laundry, wiped more runny noses, played with the kids, and spent a whole lot of time online. I showed up to work, and for the most part, was present, intuitive, and competent. Sure, we went on some enjoyable outings to the zoo, garden, Earth movie, dinners and parks (for the kids' enjoyment, of course). I turned some to do's into ta da's... Sure. The whole month was not a waste. Certainly not.

At the end of the month, I found myself wondering whether I had done anything to move forward in my life. Did I accomplish anything of value? Did I live my purpose more fully? I ask a lot of questions. I am just asking. Not devaluing what I did. Just asking. And, realizing that there were spurts of living in April. But the overwhelming sense is that I went from day to day without much sense of purpose. I call this barely existing. Not living fully.

So how do I know if I am living? I feel energized. I am optimistic. I feel expanded. I am proactive. I make healthy choices. I value my own talents and strengths. I have an internal sense of validation. I do not need praise or gratitude. I practice self-acceptance. When I am not living fully, I am grumpy, self-doubting, and impatient. I feel stuck and constrained. I fall back into old patterns that do not sustain me. I get little joy from what I would normally love. I begin to be harsh about my limitations and interpret oversights as failures.

I am drawing a useful distinction for myself by asking myself daily, "am I living or merely existing?" I am reminded that a life without passion, joy, and purpose is mere existence. I am definitely not content to settle for day after day of not living fully and truly.

I honestly want to know, if you were to live more fully, what would you be doing more of? What would you do less?

This Week's Life Lesson No. 2: Self-kindness-acceptance-care

2009-03-27T15:00:00.006-04:00

It's been a week rich in gifts of all kinds. Some of them have been absolutely yummy, and others are still bitter in my mouth. Let me write my way through the maze of mind-racing thoughts and hope for some clarity. Bear with me.

The gift of grumpiness. The kids have been sick. Again. I have been sick with them. Again. Sleep has not been on my side. The little one has been clingy and needy. I have had spurts of calm and humor peppered in between the prevailing sense of impatience and grumpiness. I have noticed myself ready to snap at the kids and partner. How on earth can grumpiness be a gift? Not sure. I know the kids certainly don't see it that way! So, I ask myself how can I just accept myself in this state, albeit undesireable? I am just asking.

The gift of fatigue. I know I have neglected my basic needs: nutrition, rest, exercise, prayer, and mind-stimulation. Any wonder I am tired and impatient. I could easily have gone through the days repeating a familiar mantra "I am tired. I am tired." Instead, I decided to "play" with a question and shared the process with a supportive friend. We held the intention to ask ourselves throughout the day, "what do I most need to do for me right now?" We listened to ourselves, and answered the call. This has been an experiment in self-kindness-care. And, it reaped benefits. I got a massage this week. I ate salads all week. I abstained from gluten and dairy. I rested to breathe for a few minutes. I found ways to get solitude. I decluttered. I made some long overdue calls. I gave and received support. I noticed the fatigue but I was not debilitated by it. After all, is that not self-care?

The gift of making mistakes. I made a couple of significant errors this week. Call them lapses in judgement or mindlessness or plain ego. I am hard on myself. Often when I mess up, I play the scenario in my mind over and over again, and experience the humiliation or embarassment over and over again. This means that what might be a minor error turns into a huge blunder for me. This week, when I noticed that I was about to enter the "make a blunder out of an error" pit, I asked myself how I could practice self-kindness. I even reached out to someone else to play with this question with me. We just asked.

In the midst of what could be a fog of grumpy fatigued blunder, I was gifted opportunities to practice more self-kindness-acceptance-care. It was quite a week. I know I am harping on this, but sometimes all it takes is asking a question. Ask and ye shall receive (kindness-acceptance-care, that is). Ask with someone and ye might receive even more.

This Week's Life Lesson/ Message from the Universe No. 1: Detachment

2009-03-26T10:41:00.007-04:00

This week has been rich in numerous life lessons. I tuned in as the Universe sent me some very clear messages about myself and my life. Changes to be made, and others being made.

Lesson/ Message number 1: Detachment. Letting Go so I can Give More.
The Baha'i New Year and first day of Spring. I am ready for a fantastic day with the family. As I rushed to get the children ready and out the door for a long Saturday of fun-filled activities, I lost my engagement ring. We needed to get to swimming class, the library, a Baha'i New Year brunch, Andre 3000's show at the Theatre, and dinner with Friends... I am in auto-pilot mode. I get the kids dressed (up), pack the swim things, get them breakfast and snacks for the car ride, shower, and then strapped into the car. There are three trips back into the house - more diapers. New stockings. Oh, and something else... In the midst of all this, I lose my ring. I back-tracked, spent five minutes in and around the house searching for it. And then, I chose to head out anyway. I decided that the ring would not keep us all from our exciting day. I did my best to be present, and just stay in the moment instead of worrying about a "thing" to which I am deeply attached. This ring has been on me for over ten years. I can honestly say that I am not attached to much "stuff" but this is one of the material things that I would truly hate to lose.

Rewind to the night before. After the kids were in bed, I sat on the couch with my partner, and we tuned into some mindless television while we planned for the weekend festivities. I stumbled upon a not-so-mindless 20/20 show about "families on the edge." Twenty minutes of hearing about homeless families, teens stressed out by their families' financial woes, the economic "crisis" was all I could handle. As I tend to do sometimes, I owned their suffering to the point of physically experiencing pain. My stomach hurt, and my heart ached. I switched off the television, went upstairs to my bed and kneeled down in fervent prayer. "God, help me give more. Help me share myself. Help me feel less burdened by my privilege. Show me ways to give to others in need. Show me how to serve the world better. Show me how to alleviate the pain and suffering of this life for more people."

And, then I wake up the next morning to lose my engagement ring for the first time since I was gifted it. Hmmmm.... message from the Universe? Prayers answered? Despite doing my very best to stay in the moment to enjoy all the "highs" of the day - the swim class, the brunch, the show, friends, children playing - the "low" of losing the ring nagged at me all day. I realized the timing was not coincidental. There was a lesson in this, and I searched for it.

Message I received: Be more detached. Let go of material attachments so that I can do all this more and better. Let go so that I can live with an open mind, hand and heart. Detachment is not about not caring for anything or anyone. It is about letting go so that you can care more. Paradoxical? Maybe. I get it. I am stepping out to let go of what I can so that I can give more freely.

What can you choose to let go of now? How will it serve you (and others) to do this?

Spring Forward

2009-03-20T13:17:00.002-04:00

Spring is here. It is also the Iranian and Baha'i New Year. It's a new day... Naw-Ruz in Farsi.

Forget January 1st. Every year, sundown on March 20th marks a new beginning for me.

I really do feel a spring in my step today. I feel my energy shifting, and notice myself flowing... because I am asking myself what new beginnings I want to create now.

Just asking the question, and shifting awareness, is a gift. I am holding on to the idea that new beginnings are possible any time we choose them -- not just on the first day of spring, but any time. Oh, the possibilities. I spring forward just thinking about them!

Without even intending to, I took abundant action on my to do's ... talk about unstuckification...
Sometimes, all it takes is asking myself a question.

I am curious. What new beginnings would you choose today?

Musings on "to do" to "ta da"

2009-03-16T20:46:00.003-04:00

I am still playing with this idea. How to get into ta da mode when all I can think is... oh so much to do!

This experiment started not just due to my stuck-ification so to speak but because someone recently pointed out to me how difficult it is for her to complete seemingly simple tasks. For instance, making doctors appointments, paying bills, buying groceries, doing laundry, cleaning out a drawer or returning a call might be "simple" to do's. These do seem like simple and contained tasks. Most people would say, just take care of it. What's the big deal? And yet, for many of us, these are places we get stuck. If these are hard, then can you imagine how more complex tasks like filling out taxes, applying for a job, planning an overseas trip, or marketing a business are super daunting?

I pride myself in being action oriented. I really do think of myself as a take-charge and take care of business kinda person. I am. Most of the time. But, if I were to delve into my list of to do's that have been on my to do's for a good long while, I would be the arch-procrastinator for sure. Here is a small sampling: make dental appointments for the whole family, buy plane tickets to Botswana, revise the monthly budget, clean out the garage, sort through and donate old clothing, re-organize my closet, clear my desk, read a book for a book club, revise my web site... You get the idea.

Here is what shifting perspective from to do to ta da does for this list. I stop beating myself up about why I haven't done these things. Instead, I play with options. I practice patience with myself. Oy! And, I hold the intention to get to all of them -- in time. Does this get things done? Not yet. However, it sure makes me feel less bogged down.

My thought for today on this experiment -- shifting perspective helps shift energy. Instead of being bogged down, I allow myself to flow...

Back to the Blog...

2009-03-12T10:39:00.002-04:00

Truth is that like many other things in my life in recent weeks, the blog has felt like yet another "to do." So, it has not been done.

I have been wondering why I have not blogged in so long. I have been composing entries in my head, but just have not made it back to the writing board so to speak. Every day finds me wondering why. I think it has to do with the state of mind-being that has me uncertain about life. And, yes, I admit it. Uncertain about me. I am questioning myself. Who am I, really? What am I meant to be doing? What do I truly want? How am I going to get it? Where do I need to focus my time and energy? All this questioning, albeit vital to my journey, gets me in a funk.

I am not really sure how to characterize my current state of mind and being. Am I uncertain? Distracted? Lacking focus? Pondering? Stewing? Frustrated? Ambivalent? Grumpy? Unwell? Busy? Yes, all of that and more. I am going about living my life, mindfully seeking out enjoyment, fulfillment, comfort and purpose. There have been days when I have indeed come out of my uncertain questioning mode to get things done. I have continued to honor my commitments, and even make new ones. So it would not be true to say that I am stuck. But, I have been feeling stuck.

How to get unstuck? Last week, I decided that I was going to play with turning to do's into ta da's. That experiment worked for me. It allowed me to just flow, and get things done in a spirit of fun and play so things that were on my "to do's" did not feel like such a burden. I made some decisions that I had been stuck on. I even made travel plans. I reached out to people who I need to reconnect with. I took care of paper-work. I put an end to a two-year long saga with a non-profit organization. I gave of myself freely and generously. I even did my own (Oprah inspired) Big Give. Decluttered my work and home life. I enjoyed myself in the process.

Not all days or weeks are like that. But, just shifting my perspective to "ta da" was hugely rewarding. I am doing this more and more when I notice that I am feeling weighed down by what is on my plate (and my mind).

I just say it's time to play, and show up. Like I just did on the blog. I think it works. Try it!

A Blog Do-Over

2009-01-08T16:48:00.005-05:00

Some of you might not have realized it, but I actually did take the blog offline yesterday. It was not the only thing I quit. By saying quit, I gave myself permission to let go and walk away from some things getting in my way.

What does it mean to quit? I let go. I let go of the anxiety. I let go of the negative thinking roller-coaster ride. I stopped trying so hard. I realized yesterday (I'm slow sometimes) that trying so hard at so many things is not sustainable. I make so much of an effort and put so much of myself into all that I do. Nobody notices but I have to live with the consequences. And, it is not sustainable. So, I gave myself permission to quit. Quit trying so hard. Quit searching for answers so earnestly. Quit trying to get things right. Quit caring so much.

After I quit, I felt lighter, and liberated.

Among many other things, I let go of the blog. When I began this blog, it was a place to explore the inevitable uncertainties of our lives and future. What I quickly realized, although I might not have said as much explicity, is that making our way has so little to with external factors (like the economy). More on this another time.

What I am learning (stating the obvious) is that regardless of the mess going on around us, making our way is all about what is going on within. I began to ask questions about self-care and authenticity, and living in harmony with values. How would I manifest my gifts in a way that makes a difference in the world. Why? Perhaps, in my non-linear thinking way, I was realizing that making our way through uncertainty is just plain life. There will always be uncertainty, fear, anxiety, and plenty of stuff that life hands us that is beyond our control. Life is uncertain. So, the blog has been about living and learning.

Where are we today? The uncertainty persists. I am still asking questions. Still writing-blogging-journaling-coaching-conversing to work my way through life's maze to carve out a path - an authentic life path.

When I quit yesterday, I realized that I had to let go of certain aspects of the blog without cutting it off completely. Today, I gave it a new name and evolved purpose. You are not going to find fashionable bullet pointed tips. 8 steps to a new me. 14 things to do before you die. 10 ways to making your way in uncertain times. 16 lessons to live by. I just can not bring myself to write the quintessential jazzy image illustrated witty blog. None of that feels authentic to me. During my negative self-questioning period, I told myself that this blog was pointless if it is just a public journal of sorts. Why not just keep a private journal? Nobody is interested in reading my rambling non-linear pontification of various life questions. Nobody comments. No one answers the questions I ask. I do not have the ability to provoke some thought or realization. It feels lonely. So, I quit and took it offline. Briefly.

If the blog is going to cause to ride the self-doubt roller-coaster, it has to go.

Today, I gave myself permission to recuperate it, and continue writing. Four of you follow the blog. That is four people who cared enough about me and what I might have to say to do that. That is not nobody. And, many others read it. You may not tell me that you do. You may not comment. It's not about me. You may simply shrug at my ramblings, but there are people out there who read it. Today, my delightful father who happens to be one of those people who reads it silently sent me note to say that he reads and rereads what I write. I should continue writing because I have things to say that need to be said. How did he know I quit? Did he know? It does not matter. This was a simple message that I needed to hear.

I have made peace with the fact that part of quitting meant that I was feeling lonely in the kitchen. I prepared dishes and placed them on a table. Some were eaten. Some were left untouched. Some disappeared without my knowledge. As the chef experimenting with new dishes and ingredients, I wanted to know: Was something too sour? Was it balanced? Was it just plain awful? Did you savor a morsel? Was something sweet enough for you to share it with someone you care about? Something. Anything. Maybe I even wanted us all to sit down at the table and chow down together. Was I looking for community? I made peace with the idea that on some level, I wanted the blog to feel less lonely and one-sided. I realized that it is not. This was merely my perception resulting from some comparative viewpoint that is not authentic to why I blog. And then, I let it go.

I resurrected the blog today - a new name, new colors and clearer goals. I quit on needing anything back. I quit on feeling lonely in the kitchen. I quit on the anxiety and self-doubt roller-coaster ride. I quit trying so hard. I quit worrying if I got it right.

I will keep writing. I invite you to become a follower, or tune in whenever you are able. I welcome you to comment, write back, share your thoughts, and ask questions. The journey is so much more meaningful when shared. The path clearer when others are working with me. And, I will simply try to keep blogging because it is personally meaningful to me.

Quit: The Uncertainty Rollercoaster

2009-01-07T13:33:00.007-05:00

Yesterday, I showed up to blog my way out of my mental-emotional fog. I failed. I thought I would write my way to clarity, compassion, understanding, patience, and action. I did not.

After posting my blog entry, I seem to have jumped on a rollercoaster ride of negative thinking, self-doubt, hopelessness, and anxiety. Among other things. Of course, it does not help that I am sleep deprived thanks to a child who has not slept in ten consecutive days. Oh wait, that is two years and ten days... and counting. No answers came from the much anticipated sleep study. It says, "normal and consistent with night terrors for this age." That's not a relief. That is deeply frustrating.

So, after a worse than usual night, and the dead-end medical report, this morning I was going to call it quits. Quit my business. Quit trying to find answers to what ails little one. Quit trying to find or give support. Quit this authentic living personal growth journey of life nonsense. Quit making big plans for a big move. QUIT.

The rollercoaster that is uncertainty (and by the way, it is Jen Louden who articulated for me what I was riding, and she is wonderfully articulate and truthful) has me tripping. It has me entertaining thoughts like I suck at everything. I am a poor parent. I lack patience. I can't even seem to keep the kids healthy. What am I good for? I have grand ideas but nothing to show for them. I stink at pretty much everything. I can't write. I can't think straight. I can't coach anyone. Yup, I feel the negativity gripping my insides.

A part of me knows I am just having one of those days, so why not just simply get off? Let it go? Pretend it did not happen? Nobody would be the wiser. But, I can't seem to get off this awful ride. So, I am still on the uncertainty-anxiety-fear-negativity rollercoaster. All my usual strategies -- affirmations, deep breathing, prayer, positive thinking blah blah blah -- out the window. At this moment, I just do not have it in me to dig deep and find my center. Maybe I don't even want to. Maybe quitting is the best option right now.

So, today, I showed up on the blog to do what exactly, I am not sure. As you have figured out, I just write on this blog, with no hope or expectation that anything I say means anything to anyone but me. I suppose it is not a blog at all. Just my personal journal wide open for those who want to read. So then, I should take it offline, I am thinking. It serves no other purpose, so offline it must go.

Sometimes, quitting is the only thing that makes sense. I quit.

And, look, I am off the roller-coaster. Go figure.

quest for authenticity

2009-01-06T11:46:00.005-05:00

I have been waiting for moments of inspired clarity to compose a fabulous blog entry for the new year. Day after day, I wait. I reflect. I ponder. Nada.

Today, I am writing anyway. I write through the fogginess, doubt, fatigue, hesitation, anticipation, excitement... Write anyway. What the heck. I am just showing up, click create new entry... and see what happens.

As I step into the new year, I am taking stock of what was learned during the holiday season and in the last year. What were lessons learned, places of personal growth that I intend to carry with me into this year?

We mindfully chose to do the holidays differently this year. In years past, we have done what was expected, shown up mostly out of a sense of obligation and habit, but our minds and spirits were not nourished. Mind you, this season, there was plenty of socializing, eating, gift receiving and giving, photo opps, and celebration. Also moments of silence, train playing, conversing, and reflection. I am tired but not depleted. All of it done "our way." It was an experiment to do the holiday season more authentically, and frankly, despite the fallouts, there were some steps taken in the right direction.

What has been on my mind often is this question of authenticity. What does it mean to celebrate holidays and birthdays in a manner true to oneself? How do we honor tradition and convention in ways that allow room for creativity and change? More importantly, how to live life authentically in this way?

I am trying to figure this out. I have been struck lately by how easily we can read someone else's choices as somehow a reflection on ours. Almost a chastisement or commentary on one's inadequacies.

Case in point. Something simple. I absolutely love food, the preparation and sharing of it. It is one of my passions in life. I share it freely. It just happens to be mostly vegan and organic. Now, does this mean that I have implicitly judge others harshly for not sharing that choice? Doubtful. I love entertaining. It is one of my joys in life. I relish planning menus, invitation lists, the details. The working of a meal, an event, an outing are fun for me. I plan ahead. That is my way. I don't expect others to do it that way. Does my open enjoyment of these activities count as boasting on my part? Offense not intended. So why modify myself in any way?

Someone commented to me recently that when she notices a virtue in someone that she lacks, it makes her question and doubt herself. She might distance herself from that person so as to not confront her own inadequacies. I am not sure what she meant exactly. I found myself wondering how this impacts our interactions in countless way that I was not aware of to date.

This interaction made me learn to be empathetic and compassionate in a way that was new for me. My knee-jerk tendency to be self-righteous in defense of my authenticity has been tempered somewhat with a new-found understanding.

When I notice a remarkable quality, I not only commend the person in whom I admire it but also take notes so that I may better myself, learn and grow. Then again, that is my way. Not everyone shares this perspective.

On the flip-side, when what I do implies for others that they are somehow remiss, it feeds back to me in a way that compromises my authenticity. I notice that I feel apologetic when others perceive my choices as a (negative) reflection of theirs. I temper down my efforts. I might even become apologetic or defensive about my tendencies to over-plan or over-schedule. I over-compensate for my need for organization and planning by downplaying my enjoyment.

Is that authentic? Not so much.

So, how do I just live my life, and make simple choices for my everyday living anyway? This is my quest. I am going to make some not-so-simple decisions and choices this year, and I will relish the process, and share it simply with no intention to harm. I will simply make my choices in my quest to get things right in my life ... faltering, learning, and living as fully as I can. And, temper the sharing with compassion and understanding for how they might be perceived in way not intended. I will need help to do this effectively.

All I know is that I just have to live my life my way, and I mean no harm to others as I do this. That is, simply put, my quest for authenticity. What is yours?

Reconnect and regroup

2008-12-19T09:15:00.006-05:00

I have been quiet on the blog. This means I have not made time to reflect and "process" things as I would like. I have noticed that especially during the holidays, I tend to be harried and disconnected from what it is going on within.

I enjoy the rituals and the festivity. Holiday cards. End of year celebrations. Gift shopping. Gift wrapping. Gifting. Socializing. Breakfast with santa. Urban Nutcracker. School holiday concert. Cooking. Baking. Last karate class. Last gym class. This year, pepper in out of town interviews, graduate school application deadlines (mine by default), job applications, medical testing, travel planning, hosting... And it makes for a whirlwind.

Knowing this was going to be a hectic week, I promised myself that I would be present. Focus on the task at hand. Get through it, and not think ahead too far. Or, I would get overwhelmed. I succeeded. Got through a pretty hectic week without losing my temper or cool. Relatively calm and centered. Everything that needed to be done got done. No balls were dropped. I even enjoyed myself. The key to this was not to get in my head too much and worry about what might happen... but rather to be present, and take simple action.

But, I can not deny that I am physically and mentally wiped out. So much doing and not so much being.

I am wondering today what I can do to recuperate my energy, step into the holidays refreshed and ready to enjoy the blessings of the season. Surely being exhausted is not going to allow that. Besides getting much needed rest for my body, I am sure it is time to reconnect with myself and the Divine.

I am going to make space to think and reflect and pray. When I don't, I end up silent on the blog. I end up in do do do do mode and forget to step back, process and learn from what is going on.

How do you reconnect and regroup?

Relishing the boundless possibilities

2008-12-03T12:52:00.004-05:00

My mind is racing a mile a minute, and I have a strong urge to write a brief post on the blog. It helps me focus and make sense of things.

On Monday, I opened up to the possibilities in our seemingly uncertain (potentially stressful) situation. Opening up has been a wonderful perspective to hold.

Being open is allowing me to hear all kinds of messages of affirmation, encouragement, and hope. Some of these messages come in unlikely places. A closed door. A job that is not ours. A bill. A neighbor's phone call. A venting session with my sister. A FB chat session with my brother's brother. I am feeling energized by these messages coming loud and clear from the Universe.

Dream. Hope. Learn. Step up. Take simple steps. Enjoy the journey. Overcome fear. Believe in yourself. Trust God. Live your purpose.

Yesterday, I vented to my sister of the heart, the one I never had but adopted growing up in Botswana. After I shared the burdens of my heart, I ventured (yet again) to my big idea that tugs at my heart and mind daily. I affirmed how simple steps can make big changes in the world. If I yearn to make an impact and do something meaningful, I can take the heart from people who have done this. Regular folks with regular means making big changes. A children's librarian who raises funds to take books to Ethiopia and creates a simple and powerful means of disseminating them to children all over the rural areas -- donkey cart libraries. Talk about inventive. I can do it too. Why not me? I have education. I have vision. I have friends (lots of them). I have friends with big ideas, education, resources. I have social resources. I have an unwaveringly supportive life partner. I have parents who will put their all behind me. She says, "you're rich." I hear her loud and clear. This is just the message I needed to hear. I agree. I am exceptionally rich.

And, as my other sister of the heart says often, "to whom much is given, much is expected."

Today, as my mind races a mile a minute, I am truly relishing the boundless possibilities that lie in our lives and futures. And, I am so incredibly rich! Woo hoo. Now, I am going to figure out what I am going to do with all this rich possibility!

Want to join me?

Opening up to the boundless possibilities

2008-12-01T11:06:00.007-05:00

This morning, as I got little man dressed for school, I began composing a blog post about "navigating uncertainty."

I spent the weekend noticing how for someone as action and planning oriented such as me, our current state is highly challenging. I am mindfully noticing the frustration I feel every time there is a question that I can not answer. "Will you be re-enrolling the kids for gym class?" I can't say. "Will little man be attending afternoon lessons in the new year?" I'm not sure. "Will little miss sunshine begin pre-school in January?" It depends. "Will you be teaching next semester?" I'm considering it. "Will you be traveling over the holidays?" There is a chance. "When do you plan to visit home?" Who knows? "Will the kids have their adenoid and ear tube surgeries soon?" Possibly. "Have y'all found jobs?" No. "What will you do if...?" I don't know.

I just don't know about any of this. And, as I have shared on this blog before, this is not easy for me in the least bit. I would like to be decisive, informed, organized, systematic, and in control. I am not. Only yesterday I confessed to Charles how I was having a hard time with this. I think the ambiguity will "kill me softly" if I allow it to.

Notice how I actually decided to write about opening up to possibilities?

This is what happened to turn my perspective around. I received an unexpected phone call this morning. A big brother I never had but I adopted years ago growing up in Botswana, called. This brother of my heart, to whom I send the holy "rakhi" (Hindu festival celebrating the sibling bond), was the gift I needed most today. He was exhilerated, enthused, hopeful, excited and frankly thrilled with his recent trip home. He shared countless examples of people like us who decided to leave the grind in the United States and head home. A young man he met, started a condom factory. The first in Africa. The only African owned condom factory in the heart of the region struck with the highest HIV/AIDS infections in the world? Talk about socially responsible entrepreneurship. We can each of us do this. Why complicate it? It all begins with a simple step. All of this positive energy was contagious.

Midway into the conversation, we had affirmed that what we most need to do is take simple steps to realize our dreams, the purpose for which I was born to this life. For me, this is (to my knowledge) founding the first women's post-secondary college in southern (Sub-Saharan even) Africa. This "big idea" born of my unique life journey tugs at the recesses of my mind and spirit every day. And most days, it gets shelved.

There are many obstacles to achieving my dream "big idea." But, today I am choosing to open up to the boundless possibilities.

Thank you, brother for this priceless gift that I needed most.

Gratitude Feast... for the spirit

2008-11-23T09:18:00.004-05:00

My heart is overflowing with joyful gratitude at this very moment. We are seated together at the dining table enjoying waffles and fruit salad with the wee ones... they are working on some art projects while baba (dad) works on a grant proposal and mama (moi) blogs.

Every month since July, we host a gathering for the kids' preschool aged friends and their parents. We select a virtue for the theme and just have fun with it. Last month, we had a service theme costume party (as an alternative to the other candy and super hero oriented holiday). The kids dressed up as a community helper of their choice, worked on coloring pages that showed these helpers in action, read about community service (in English and Spanish), enjoyed a variety if fresh apples for snacks... and just had a good time being kids.

This gratitude feast comes at a really good time. I have found myself becoming afraid over the last couple of days. I was watching CNN the other night listening to the panic-struck commentators speaking about the dismal state of the economy. I noticed my blood pressure rising and my heart sinking in fear. Our little Ms. Sunshine continues to wake up on the hour all night long screaming. With no answers from the physicians, we are narrowing in on the strong possibility that she might have sleep apnea. Already, we sleep hardly, and now we sleep fearfully. The thought of my precious one losing her breath in her sleep... the remote possibility of losing one of my children is one of my worst fears. Sitting with this fearful anxiety the last couple of days, I have been wondering how to muster up courage and peace.

As it turns out, today, we are hosting a gratitude feast. As I prepare for it logistically by cleaning up the house, preparing a veggie stew and rice pilaf, planning the activities and so on, I am also preparing emotionally and mentally. My heart-wish is to have a gratitude feast that is not just nourishing to our bodies but our spirits too. While the t(of)urkey dinner and football game get so much air-time, I often wonder what really matters. I see so many stressed out people this time of year who are planning a big dinner. They are worried about getting the turkey just right, and the fixings to go with it. I love the comforting ritual of it all. What we really need is a deeply nourishing feast for the spirit.

At our gathering today, we will keep it simple. We will read picture books that illustrate children enjoying the simple gifts of life and nature. We will play a card game in which we will pick cards and speak about why we should be grateful for... a meal, snow, friends, the color purple, trash, farmers, hats... you get the idea. We will do a craft called Tree of Thanks. For this, we will go outside to collect leaves. We will then trace our arms and hands onto paper, and paste leaves on them. On each leaf, we will write what we are thankful for. For dinner, we will relish the joys of sharing a meal with friends. We might even do a dance of thanks.

If you were to host a gratitude feast for the body, mind and spirit, what would you be sure to include?

As I face my fears, I remember that living in gratitude is truly life changing. It is a source of courage and peace (and a whole lot more). Just what I need right now.

Piecing together the puzzle that is our authentic life path

2008-11-19T12:54:00.008-05:00

Bear with me as I think out loud about this quintessential dilemma. How do I find an authentic life path (and stay true to it)?

So many of us are actively working on this question. It is wrapped up in so many other questions. How do I know what I am meant to do? How do I do it in the face of competing demands and responsibilities? How do I honor the need for financial security while crafting a life that honors my needs and passions? On any good day, I find myself going in circles with all this.

And in those rare moments of clarity (today might not be one of them), I understand and can articulate the subtleties of this process. Today, I came up with an anology that I am going to try to think through and flesh out here. I don't know where it will take me.

The process of finding an authentic life path is like assembling a 1000 piece puzzle. For those of us who are going about the business of life, working our jobs, caring for our families and not actively making a transition, the pieces might be (neatly put away?) in a box on some shelf somewhere. We look at it every now and again, but we are not actively playing with it.

For the rest of us, they are laid out all over the floor, bed, desk, chair, under the couch, in a pocket, on a counter, next to the lap top... They are everywhere, and here we are trying to piece it together. Needless to say, we are also trying to cook, eat, sleep, work, care for the children, pay the bills... while we work on the puzzle. Some pieces get "misplaced." Others simply forgotten. And more often than not, the puzzle sits there semi-assembled because there is always something more pressing to take care of. We don't always remember the joy of playing so we think of the puzzle as "work." We might avoid it. Sound familiar?

Today, I had a coaching conversation with someone who, like many of us, is figuring out her next move. These are my words, not hers. Should she stay with a job that demands so much of her that she does not have room to breathe? Should she follow her passion for poetry? How to deal with her need for financial security (especially living in New York City)? How can she find a balance? I asked her some basic questions.

And, in these questions are some of the pieces of the puzzle we are assembling. I am going to sketch some of these pieces in a cursory way. Each of them deserve a lenghty explanation. I will pick up on pieces that seem of particular interest to those of you interested in this question.

Puzzle piece "must-haves": What must I have in order to be at my best? These are needs that must be filled so we might have time and space to get more of what we want in our lives. A network of friends and family who support me? Regular access to this support network? A spiritual community? Geography? Intellectual stimulation? Creative expression? Personal growth? Health? Social activism? Cultural diversity? Each of us has a very unique list that reflect who we are. Mine has some of the elements listed above.

Puzzle piece "values": What are my core values? I define values as those intangibles that attract me. They are different from the tangible "needs" that are in my must-haves list. It takes some reflection and work to name these values because we often take them for granted. They are not necessarily the same as the morals or family ethics we inherit. This work of defining our values is done by so many who are so much wiser than I. I use a number of tools with coaching clients to help us name values.

Puzzle piece "personal gifts": What are my unique strengths, gifts and talents? What are my God-given talents? What kinds of gifts have I chosen to develop? What skills do I have? Over time, I have found that for a number of reasons, we do not own the full extent of our gifts. I can not tell you how often I encounter the sentiment that because something comes naturally to us, we do not think of it as a personal gift. Equally often, I hear that someone writes poetry or sketches or doodles but does not consider herself an artist. This puzzle piece is not as simple as it may seem because each of us has to come to a place of seeing ourselves in the light of gifts and not the darkness of faults.

Puzzle piece "passions": We are mostly familiar with these, but do you notice how this piece is not the same as gifts or needs? What would I do if I owned my own time and had no worries or responsibilities? What would occupy me so well that I would lose myself in the activity with no sense of time? Often this is the piece that is tucked away in a closet or dresser drawer or pocket somewhere. This is the piece that needs the dust wiped off so that it can actively be in play as we figure out the question of our authentic life path.

Notice how each of these is interconnected? They do fit together, and rely on each other for greater clarity of the "big picture" we are trying to piece together. There are other pieces. Bigger ones like the puzzle piece "life purpose" that encompasses the ones I have already listed here. And, I certainly can not name them all. After all there are at least a 1000 according to my analogy.

If you are interested in playing with these ideas, please post a comment, a thought, question so that we can collaborate on the puzzle.

Where are we now? A month later.

2008-11-18T21:29:00.004-05:00

I have been "stewing," so to speak. A whirlwind of new thoughts, ideas, opportunities, activities... and alongside, new and re-emerging struggles, issues, and tasks.

A month ago, I started the blog to document the process of finding our way in uncertain times. Where are we today?

The times are still uncertain. Neither of us have jobs yet. No concrete decisions have been made yet. No definitive answers to the big questions: What's next for us? Are we moving? Are we staying put? Are we going to be able to pay the bills? Where will be in 2009?

Who knows? I don't know. And I am working proactively to be alright with the not-knowing. In days past, not knowing would have been equated with powerlessness, and failure on my part. I was always the student who wanted to know it all, and have the answers. I have always been a solution sleuth. I thrive on finding answers. For someone like me, not having answers could be tricky business.

I could become discouraged. I could feel helpless. I might even be vanquished by a plethora of insecurities and worries. I notice when these feelings begin to creep in. Then, I choose not to get sucked in.

To do this, I am vigilantly doing all the things that I have written about thus far. I am staying centered. Being present. Giving thanks. Enjoying myself. Focusing on who and what matters most. Accepting my situation just enough not to fight it. Forgiving myself when I falter.

I am also being proactive. This month, our collective goal was to GET OPTIONS. We were not going to limit ourselves by field, kind of work, geography, salary, you name it. We were just going to cast a wide net, put ourselves out there and see what comes to us. When we give thanks later this month, we will count our blessings, weigh out options and make plans.

That said, I am learning some really important lessons as I work diligently and creatively to get options. I am tempted to just get a job that will pay the bills. After all, most of us would say that is the practical and realistic thing to do. Just get a job. Any job. No matter what. Even though I know that there are certain options that are just not right for me. It is tempting to give in to the "practical" considerations.

I am resisting this temptation. Are these desperate times or just uncertain ones? Why would I entertain options that go against who I am? Why consider opportunities that violate my core values? Why negate the heart-work I have done to figure out and create my authentic path?

More on struggling to find and stay true to an authentic life path in the next post.

Life is a rich learning environment

2008-11-11T15:07:00.003-05:00

Today, I am struck by how many lessons lie in everyday life.

In my last post, I beseeched us to process everything in order to glean the life lessons. When the going is good, I rarely pause to ask myself, "so what can I learn from the fact that things are going well in my life right now?" I know I should but I rarely do this.

Now, when the going is rough, it is even harder to ask where the lesson lies. Especially in the moment. In the here and now when something unexpected, fearful, disappointing, stressful... hits you. Do you ask where the lessons lies? I am learning to do this more and more.

Let me try out a couple of scenarios that I encountered just this morning:

An opportunity I was pursuing does not pan out. I am disappointed. I have a choice. I could either wallow in the "woe is me" and wonder what happened, what I did wrong, why I can't seem to get ahead etc. Or, I could move foward. In order to do this, I must ask myself what I can learn from this closed door. Once I figure out the lesson, I can take action. I can move on.

We have this choice every day. Several times a day.

A person I was really counting on, does not come through for me. I am disappointed. I have a choice. I could wallow in the "woe is me" and wonder what happened, what I did wrong, why people can not seem to live up to my trust etc. Or, I could take it in stride. In order to do this, I don't take it personally. I ask for the lesson. I then remind myself that I can always count on myself. Once I do this, I can take charge and move on.

We all have this choice every day. Several times a day.

Need I go on? So, what I am saying is that remembering that life is a rich learning environment allows me greater choice and effectiveness.

Process everything... to learn from it.

2008-11-07T11:23:00.007-05:00

The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.... Helen Keller

I have been plain exhausted all week.
Sure, I stayed up most of the night watching election results. Sure, little one had a couple of wakeful nights. But, the real truth is that the election buzz has us all coming down off the "election high" in a big way. We are all mentally, emotionally, physically wiped out. Exhilerated, inspired, hopeful, and definitely changed. But, if you are like me, cried out and wiped out.

Speaking with a number of you, members of my coaching circle, in the last couple of days, one thing is quite apparent to me. It is important to take a time out to process everything. Some of you were on the frontlines for days, weeks, months. You witnessed greatness at work. You worked through the challenges. You shared in the victories. There were moments. There were fascinating stories told and insights received.

Some things were decided. Oh so much to do, fix, resolve. Uncertainty still lingers.

Allowing ourselves the space and time to reflect is key -- especially during uncertain times.
To ensure that I remain calm, centered, and focused in the midst of upheaval, I have to constantly give myself room to just be. Think and be. Lately, I am learning, I need to share-write to be. Writing, in the spirit of sharing, is vital to my being. Here I am.

How can we "process" the events of this week and their powerful impact on our lives? Where will all this feeling and living and loving and hoping ... go? Will we let it be? Let it go? Or, shall we actually allow ourselves to feel in our hearts and then learn from it all? "Processing" is to discern the important life lessons.

What did we learn about ourselves and the world?

Will you talk about it? Will you write about it? Will you rap, sing, praise it? Will you sketch, paint, draw it? Will you scrapbook it? Will you photo-album it? Will you you-tube it? Will you pray about it? Will you affirm it? Will you take a retreat? Will you yoga it? Will you work-it-out?

Will you share a story, thought, comment on this blog about it...?

Tongue-tied ... and ready to go!

2008-11-05T13:02:00.007-05:00

The world is rejoicing today. It is a deeply monumental day.

And I am so overwhelmed, I can't muster up any of the right words. I am not often tongue-tied. Today, I am awe-struck. Deeply overcome. Inspired. Hopeful. Humbled. Aware. Revitalized.

I will feel it all. Soak in all the good will the world over. Pray. Pray hard. Then, I am going to kick up my efforts several notches.

As I said a couple of days ago, today is the beginning of a long haul. I plan to show up and give every day all I got. It was not all about getting the win on Election Day. It's about getting to work to clean up the mess we're in. The real campaign starts now.

I am renewed, and ready to go.

As our President Elect called on us in Monassas, VA two nights ago, "FIRE IT UP! READY TO GO!"

I am fired up. Ready to go.

What about you? Are you ready to roll up your sleeves and get to work? President Obama is. He got to work right away. Are you ready to be the change you hoped for? Let us begin. Together.

Giving it all you got

2008-11-03T19:55:00.002-05:00

Everyone I know is buzzing today. I am getting excited text messages. Neighbors are calling. Friends are emailing.

They are cautiously optimistic. Most are ready for the campaigns to be over. They are praying. Praying for themselves, for Senator Obama, for his family, for this country, for the world. Some are sending crazy Obama-McCain jokes (while they still can).

Even our incredibly perceptive four year old asked me today, "mama, who is going to be the president?" "I don't know, dear, we have to wait until tomorrow night to find out." He sums it up, "today is election eve, mama." And then, he asks me to give him a lesson in flag-work. We page through his atlas.

I am painfully aware of the lifelong implications of this historical moment.

In my last post, I was adamant that we not be distracted from ourselves, the work within, by putting so much stock on the elections. I still hold by that.

I did not mean, however, to suggest that we somehow ignore what is happening around us. We have to be fully engaged, and do our part. Certainly. Just keep all the political and economic dynamics in perspective by remembering who really has ultimate power to make change.

My strong sense today is to tap into all our inner reserves and give it all we got. Do what you can to make things happen tomorrow. We need to show up. It is all about Get Out the Vote. Each of us will do our part, and as fully as we can - mind, body and soul.

Whatever the outcome, we can't just give all to the 4th. There are many many many more days beginning on the 5th of November. On the 5th, it is time to get back to work. It is time to kick it up another notch to make CHANGE happen. Get ready...

Mustering up faith... and agency

2008-11-02T07:19:00.008-05:00

There is an energy and anticipation all around. There is also a great deal of fear and uncertainty. I smell fear everywhere. Anxiety too. A collective holding in of our breaths until Election Day. We're on high alert, wondering what will happen to us, our families, communities, country, world. A lot is riding on the outcome. Sure, but a lot is riding on how we respond to whatever happens. A lot rests on us.

This is where I think faith comes in. Faith in the Divine and faith in ourselves. Hear me out.

Where we live in Altanta, African Americans have come out in record numbers to vote early. The other day, Ms. Mary, a diabetic neighbor shared how she stood hungry in line for over two hours to cast her vote. It didn't matter how long it took. She (a lady in her sixties) knows that this vote is significant. She also added that she wasn't sure how the elections would turn out. She is not sure America is ready for Obama. Many people, especially people of color, are indeed fearful of the "Bradley effect." Let us call it what it is: racism. We are afraid to trust the polls. There is a great deal of skepticism all over the world about what will actually happen on Tuesday. They wonder if voters will cast their ballots out of hope or fear, knowledge or ignorance. Who knows? A fear of the unknown is understandable in some ways, and that might be just what impacts the so-called "undecided" voters.

Uncertainty can bring on fear. Trust me, I know. What concerns me, though, is fear so strong that it negates hope and undermines faith. Really? Really.

I watched D.L. Hughley last night on his new CNN Show and he showed in not so many words that he is afraid to hope that things will turn out (Obama's Way). What if...? What if something goes wrong? So just in case, millions who share this predicament, are not going to acknowledge the personal and historical ramifications of what is going to happen. Actually, what is happening now and has been for the last twenty months. Precious few are going to express enthusiasm or hope publicly. Nobody is celebrating out in the open. Waiting to see what happens. Just in case it actually does not happen. Not much optimism. Not much faith in the political process. Not much faith. Period.

I have also noticed how we are all in a holding pattern until the 4th. I find myself waiting for the 5th to get to the business of planning our next move. As if the outcome will change what I need to do in my life. I still need to figure out how I will translate my values, passions, gifts into something truly meaningful to me and others. I still need to handle the financial mess we're in. I still need to deal with my own thoughts, fears, hopes, and plans. I still need to overcome varous stumbling blocks to my progress. What does the outcome of the election have to do with the internal work of getting myself in order? If I tune into the truth, it is partly an excuse to not have to deal with myself. Focusing on the outside takes attention away from what's happening on the inside. The two are connected but what matters most is my inner life.

Where do I stand now? I am optimistic about change. Whatever happens, it will be a change. So, I want to focus on how to change gracefully. Whatever happens, only the result will be immediate but the process will unfold over the next four or eight years. And, the process ain't gonna be easy. To state the obvious, whoever the next president is, frankly does not have the answers to my personal predicaments. He is not going to solve my dilemmas. He can't. Only I can (with a whole lot of help from all of you and the Divine).

I am learning to have faith. A few posts ago I spoke about being present and being thankful. How worrying is a sign that we are not being present. Some of letting go of worry has been about letting in faith. This faith I am conjuring up in these uncertain times (and I'm not limiting myself to the elections) is not a belief that things will go the way I want them to. Not at all. I don't believe that life will turn out the way I want. The elections, our lives, work, finances, health, children... you name it.

I honestly believe that whatever happens, will be for the best. I do not mean to sound fatalistic. What I mean is that whatever happens, I will find a way to make the best of it. This kind of faith is not about my will, but following the Will of the Divine. And the gifts of the Divine bestowed on me. I trust. I believe. Even if there is struggle, turmoil and suffering. I know that I have in me what is needed to rise to the changes gracefully. To create the right kind of changes myself. To take charge of my own life.

This holding pattern and waiting for November 5th to take action, is an avoidance of my own my ability to make change in my own life and all around me. Putting so much stock in how the new President (God bless his soul) will get us out of the mess we're in, can be delusional. Frankly he doesn't have that kind of power. The political system is broken and can not fix the complicated mess we are in. Focusing on the political "leaders" of the world in that way, undermines my own agency.

Agency, simply put, is our ability to tap into our own power and create change on our own behalf.
Right now, I choose to muster up faith. Not just in the Divine, but in myself and all of us. I beseech us to make sure that we be the change we are are so eagerly awaiting.

Practicing Extreme Self-Care

2008-10-30T12:41:00.005-04:00

Since my last blog entry, I have been run down and tired. I am noticing this each day as my patience, calm and resolve are inevitably impacted by the fatigue. It's been a busy week. The kids have been demanding. Long nights with frequent wakings by both of them. One has the sniffles and the other one might be on his way too...

Remember what I said a few entries ago about practicing self-care - especially during stressful time? Indeed, that is proving to be a real priority right now. I also mentioned in that entry that I would get back to this. Some of you might be wondering what this whole self-care thing is all about. You might have visions of self-indulgence and needless luxury. You might even be wondering how self-care might be a way to justify selfishness (god forbid).

Renee Trudeau in her book The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal says, "self-care is about nurturing yourself on all levels – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually—so you can live, love and parent optimally." I like this definition of self-care because I realize that I need to care for my whole self so that I can be my best. Being my best means I can care for others effectively. The two are not mutually exclusive. I also know that each of these aspects of self-care are inter-related. If my body is weak, how will my spirit be steadfast?

This business of self-care is tricky. I have had few role models of women who took care of themselves effectively. I learned at an early age that women are expected to sacrifice themselves for others -- their partners, children, workers, employers, friends and so on. The image that comes to mind is of a candle that lights other candles while it weeps its own life away drop by drop. There is little room for self-care in this version of what it means to be a "good woman." I am sure there are some patriarchal elements to this whole dynamic too. So, a woman who takes care of her needs without guilt, remorse or apology is hard to come by. I want to be this woman.

This means that I do not live my life as the candle that weeps its life away. I am still experimenting with a fitting image that captures the idea that I nurture myself first so that I can nurture others even more effectively. I fill my cup so that I am overflowing love, encouragement, support, patience... for others?

I have learned that a little external accountability helps keep me on track with a personal goal or project. Since practicing self-care is a priority for me right now, I have worked out a support structure by creating a forum in which a group of women is actively discussing, sharing and working on this collectively. To that amazing group of women, myself especially, I posed an Extreme Self-Care Day Challenge:

“An extreme self-care day is a stretch of time (preferably 8 hours, but 4 will do) where I'm completely devoted to nurturing my physical/mental/emotional/spiritual well-being. My only job is to become attuned to the needs of my body, mind and spirit--and then to nourish myself accordingly." (Renee Trudeau)

Having completed a brief self-care spot-check questionaire, I realized that although I am faring well in the mental, emotional and spiritual realms, my physical self-care needs some work!
My one simple self-care goal is to be extremely kind to my body (the vessel of my spirit). To practice this, I will eat an energizing breakfast, stretch my muscles, meditate/ do yoga, rest my weary bones, look on the outside the way I feel on the inside...

I am excitedly planning my Extreme Self-Care Day! It is taking shape beautifully, inspired by days B.C. (before children) when I would take retreats by the ocean and spend my days completely enjoying my SELF. Relishing my own company was the primary goal.

Some of the elements of my day that are directly motivated by my self-care goal:

*Reading and meditating
*Leisurely breakfast at one of my favorite cafes
*A massage (and maybe a mini-facial too)
*A long overdue haircut and highlights
*A walk and some rest
*A relaxing trip to Whole Foods...

And did I mention that I am doing this on Election Day as a means of defraying some of the "frenzy" of the day. I plan to step into November 5th renewed, energized and ready for whatever comes!

So, are you up for the Extreme Self-Care Day challenge? What is your self-care goal? What will your day include?

Tuning into the underlying truth?

2008-10-27T20:35:00.002-04:00

I am still calm. I am trying to keep my wits about me. Still plugging away at the plethora of issues to be resolved. Still standing. Not weeping. Not melting down.

But what do I notice when I dig deeper about where I am right now?

Truth be told, today was a hard day. Bad news on a number of fronts. Grants that did not go through. Job searches that are turning into dead-end streets. Contacts and leads in job searches that we were banking on turn out to be not so solid. New grim realities with the legal and financial situations. Our four year old was bullied on the playground and came home with bruises (emotional and physical). Our little miss sunshine was weepy. My energy and patience were waning. The hits kept on coming.

Here is what I notice when I tune into the underlying truth.

Being present and being thankful takes a whole lot out of me. At times, it is like an out of body experience. I notice the stress welling up inside as we discuss the legal ramifications of x, y or z path. I notice my lack of enthusiasm as I search international development job databases. I feel myself emotion-less as I speak to trusted friends about the details of our mess. I hear myself saying, "I am hanging in there" as people inquire about how we are doing. I listen and observe in dismay as the ever so perceptive four year old is talking about how he is sad that he lost his old paramedic job and can not afford (yes, he used that word) to repair his ambulance.

Oh Lord. Oh Lord. Not good. The day was filled with those moments.

But, I noticed and made some choices. After all the day does not have to be a complete downer. I can do something about it. Give and receive plenty of hugs to all around me. Feel tired but not grumpy. Reach out and just talk to sympathetic ears. Don't worry about what they might think or how they might judge me. Keep searching for jobs. Send out a couple more networking notes. Do some research. Continue to be real about where we are. Reach out. Dig deep. Keep on trekking.

Now I am going to post this entry and enjoy a warm bowl of veggie chilli and comfort myself.

Being thankful ... and present

2008-10-24T20:23:00.008-04:00

It is a chilly, rainy day here in Atlanta. The rain hasn't stopped since last night. We need it. But, this is prime weather to get down in the dumps about things. I have noticed my energy wandering in that direction since yesterday.

I am not as lucid today as I would like. I will ramble a bit.

A couple of heart-sinking moments today. What if the legal case (albeit baseless) results in some random imputing of income to us and the judge orders us to pay that ridiculous sum? We have been there before, where family law does not favor the father. The judge ruled against us in the past. We still have the legal debts to prove it. We don't know what will happen in court next week. Charles says if we get slammed there, we may have no choice but to pack up and leave it all behind. Sigh... deep breaths. Now I notice the slight panic beginning to bubble up. We know so many people who lost it all. How would all this affect the children?

Ten seconds of this is enough. I think I am developing a method to take charge when I feel myself getting derailed. I take a deep breath, notice the emotion, feel it to the count of ten and then let it go with a silent prayer or affirmation.

In order to ensure we stay centered, we have to find ways to innoculate against those inevitably "moments."

One way is that we are mindfully seeking out fun and enjoyment with each other. To make sure we did not get sucked into the blahs of a rainy day, we took the kids out to one of their favorite places, the Children's Museum. We are consciously spending more time with the children and each other (especially when we "should" be working). Being together is a good way to stay connected to what is important and what is next.

Another is to be thankful for everything. I mean, really bottom of the heart give thanks for the blessings of life. The list is long, very long, and gets quite specific. I won't go into it now. I have been trying to evolve to the point where I begin to find something to be grateful for even in the seeming disasters. I am still working on this one. How can I begin to be thankful for our current predicament? I am sure there are countless gifts here. Instead of going along with our comfortable lives, we are now being forced to ask ourselves some serious questions, to get clear on our priorities, our visions for the future, our dreams deferred.

Another way to remain centered is to be present. I have been experimenting with this one for a while now. For me this means choosing not to multi-task all the time, refusing to go from one thing to the next hurriedly, not dwelling on the past, or what might happen or what tomorrow might bring. Worrying is far from being in the here and now. I had a tendency to worry, and this is yet another learned behavior I can easily lapse into if I permit it. I try to "be in my skin" instead of my head. The distinction here is that I can get lost in a whirlwind of "what ifs" if I don't focus on what really is happening in the moment. Mind you, how can we lose track of the future? We are in the midst of planning our next steps, and figuring out where we go from here. It is all uncertain. We don't have the anwsers yet, so focusing on the present seems to be a way to start the process?

Right now, at this very moment, I am just thankful for these opportunities (troubling as they might be) to grow, learn and live more fully.

Being real about where we are

2008-10-22T08:42:00.000-04:00

Since I posted the first blog entry a couple of days ago, I have received an outpouring of calls and notes. You ask what you can do to help. You wonder if I really am as "self possessed" as I seem. Some of you are at a loss for words, not sure what to say to me. I seem fine. Some of you are silent because this hard life stuff makes us uneasy. I am moved by your showering of concern, support and love. It nourishes and strengthens me.

All of you affirm what I believed when I put myself "out there": taking the masks off and being real about where we are is the only true option in times of distress (and joy for that matter).

I am not sure what happens to most of us at some point that we learn to "brave it" and "put on a happy face" so that nobody should see our pain, struggle or confusion. I know I have been there in my life, and lapse into that default mode ever so often if I am not consciously choosing otherwise. We go through so much of life with those masks on. They take so much energy, time and effort. And who are we really fooling? Ourselves, I suppose. That's what holds us back from actually seeing where we are and doing something about getting to where we want to be.

So, for those of you who are wondering whether I am just putting on a good show right now, I assure you that I am not. I don't have the energy to spare. Matter of fact, yesterday, I began to feel my body aching and absolutely exhausted. Change -- figuring all this out -- demands a lot mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. If I am not careful, I will burn myself out before I even begin. To the long list of my affirmative choices, I am going to add: I will use my energy (and time) wisely.

This is why I have been thinking very hard about the fact that I need to practice extreme self-care in stressful times. Recently, I realized that when I have a lot on my plate, I forget about the basics of self-care, and that is when I enter a viscious stress cycle. I am learning to avoid the downward spiral by prioritizing self-care all the time, but especially during uncertain times like now. More on the vitality of self-care another time. A circle of women I am honored to belong to, is actively working on practicing better self-care.

Back to being real. There will be days of sheer panic and overwhelm in the uncertain weeks ahead. I am absolutely sure of it. And when that happens, I make a solemn promise to tell the truth, not to hide it from myself or you. Being real means for me that I do not "put on a happy face" but I also do not over-exaggerate the struggle. I simply acknowledge the truth.

Being real about where we are seems like the only sound choice to me. Practicing extreme self-care also seems vital to our ability to be real.

What do you think?

Where we are today

2008-10-20T19:11:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to start a blog for a while now. Today is the day. It will evolve. The name might change. The fonts and settings will adjust. I will learn this blogging thing. It is a work in progress. So am I.

I am enormously enriched by each of you sharing so openly your past, present and future with me. My (immensely rewarding) job is to be there for you as I take myself out of the mix. In order to be coach, I have to ensure that my ego, preconceptions and experiences are dealt with elsewhere so that I remain open to the unique opportunities and challenges that each of you face. When you articulate a win or a stumbling block, I often wonder if I should share similar experiences and my own lessons learned. Sometimes I do. Most times, I listen and meet you where you are instead of bringing me into the conversation unnecessarily. That's what my coach training tells me to do.

Then there is this tricky thing called subjectivity. The qualitative researcher in me (past life) knows that subjectivity - my worldview - is relevant. It impacts how I perceive everything including our coaching work. You might need some disclosure on my part, not necessarily full disclosure, but surely at some point it would serve us all well for you to know something about my journey, my life, lessons being learned, where I am stuck, where I am working on evolving myself... After all, as I often say, we are all works in progress.

These are some of the reasons why I am starting a blog. Consider it a heart to heart, soul to soul conversation with you.

Change is upon us. Like many of you, I have been following the elections closely. The economist/ policy analyst in me (a former life) has been paying attention for months, remarking how nobody is immune to the hardships going around. I need only look around our neighborhood. I listen to clients, strangers, friends and neighbors' woes. Change is truly upon us. Life has taught me that change isn't always enjoyable or good. There is a lot of change going around nowadays. Something is fundamentally different about the way we are thinking, doing and being right now. All these external factors impact the depths of our beings in ways we can not begin to even acknowledge or understand. I'm going to try.

On one level, change is about growth. Personal growth. As coach (friend, sister, teacher, mentor, colleague), I am mindful to walk the talk, so to speak. How can I call anyone to a place I can not reach myself? So much of my life's work is about my own commitment to personal evolution. You, each of you, call me to rise to the self I have come to understand myself capable of being. Calm, restrained, thoughtful, patient, resilient, confident, self-assured, authentic, radiant... To be this self, there is always more growth to be done.

Life sends us plenty of opportunities. Blessings in disguise?

On Thursday, my partner was laid off. Within a hour of this, we also learned that we are being sued in the amount of $35,000 per year (details of who and why I choose to omit). We were already facing one of those ARMs and wondering, like much of America, how we will survive. We knew change was coming. We were prepared that times would be hard. But now we know it's real. In exactly three months (or less), we will have nothing but the income from my coaching practice. No health insurance. No savings. Hmmm. There's more. I won't go into it.

All this can be the making of worst case scenarios that we try not to think about, but here we are. You might be wondering how I reacted in the moment. Did I get scared? Worried? Panic-stricken? Sad? I suppose on some level yes. Maybe for ten seconds. And then I shifted gears consciously.

I was probably honoring my commitment to one of you when I did this. I was on a coaching call. I noticed what was happening. I took some deep breaths. I said a prayer.

Then, I consciously decided: I will respond, not react. I will see this seeming crisis as a blessing rich with opportunities. I will act out of courage and not fear. I will plan instead of worrying. I will give even more freely. I will trust the Universe, God and my support network. I will count my blessings. I will shower the children with more love and patience than ever before. We will figure it out. I will be creative. I will share my process so that we can all learn from it. At the very least, it will be an interesting experiment. Nothing to lose.

A crisis does not have to be a crisis unless you make it one.

So, here I am. And here you are. As one of you said to me today, we are on some level responsible to one another.

Stay tuned. If you are willing to listen, I will think out loud in the weeks ahead as Charles (my partner) and I prayerfully, calmly, systematically think through how we can honor our values and vision while taking care of our collective needs. A life plan. Not for one, but for all five of us. We're in the same place as many of you: Trying to make our way in uncertain times. Potentially fearful times. We choose otherwise. We don't have the answers yet. We may stumble. We might fail. But, we are going to figure it out.

Let us figure it out together. What are your thoughts?