Being thankful ... and present

It is a chilly, rainy day here in Atlanta. The rain hasn't stopped since last night. We need it. But, this is prime weather to get down in the dumps about things. I have noticed my energy wandering in that direction since yesterday.

I am not as lucid today as I would like. I will ramble a bit.

A couple of heart-sinking moments today. What if the legal case (albeit baseless) results in some random imputing of income to us and the judge orders us to pay that ridiculous sum? We have been there before, where family law does not favor the father. The judge ruled against us in the past. We still have the legal debts to prove it. We don't know what will happen in court next week. Charles says if we get slammed there, we may have no choice but to pack up and leave it all behind. Sigh... deep breaths. Now I notice the slight panic beginning to bubble up. We know so many people who lost it all. How would all this affect the children?

Ten seconds of this is enough. I think I am developing a method to take charge when I feel myself getting derailed. I take a deep breath, notice the emotion, feel it to the count of ten and then let it go with a silent prayer or affirmation.

In order to ensure we stay centered, we have to find ways to innoculate against those inevitably "moments."

One way is that we are mindfully seeking out fun and enjoyment with each other. To make sure we did not get sucked into the blahs of a rainy day, we took the kids out to one of their favorite places, the Children's Museum. We are consciously spending more time with the children and each other (especially when we "should" be working). Being together is a good way to stay connected to what is important and what is next.

Another is to be thankful for everything. I mean, really bottom of the heart give thanks for the blessings of life. The list is long, very long, and gets quite specific. I won't go into it now. I have been trying to evolve to the point where I begin to find something to be grateful for even in the seeming disasters. I am still working on this one. How can I begin to be thankful for our current predicament? I am sure there are countless gifts here. Instead of going along with our comfortable lives, we are now being forced to ask ourselves some serious questions, to get clear on our priorities, our visions for the future, our dreams deferred.

Another way to remain centered is to be present. I have been experimenting with this one for a while now. For me this means choosing not to multi-task all the time, refusing to go from one thing to the next hurriedly, not dwelling on the past, or what might happen or what tomorrow might bring. Worrying is far from being in the here and now. I had a tendency to worry, and this is yet another learned behavior I can easily lapse into if I permit it. I try to "be in my skin" instead of my head. The distinction here is that I can get lost in a whirlwind of "what ifs" if I don't focus on what really is happening in the moment. Mind you, how can we lose track of the future? We are in the midst of planning our next steps, and figuring out where we go from here. It is all uncertain. We don't have the anwsers yet, so focusing on the present seems to be a way to start the process?

Right now, at this very moment, I am just thankful for these opportunities (troubling as they might be) to grow, learn and live more fully.